Classified Files

The Biographer: “Computer, I need to update RB’s profile, so I would like to ask you some questions.”

Computer: “Processing… I can only answer what is allowed. Why not ask RB yourself?”

The Biographer: “Well, try to understand, RB and I have a fragile relationship-”

Randy: “Aww, it sounds like RB isn’t talking to you, again, Miss Bio. I’m so sorry.”

The Biographer: “My name is not… Nevermind. Idiots never get the important things right.”

Computer: “Agreed.”

Randy: “That’s rude! Hmph!

Computer: “So what do you want to know?”

The Biographer: “What is RB doing at the present?”

Randy: “Editing, duh!”

Computer: “No, RB is writing, Angel is editing and Demon is trying to get in the way.”

The Biographer: “What can you tell me about the first and second book?”

Randy: “Oooo, it’s really good! See there is this boy named-”

Computer: “ALERT!!! That information is classified. So shut your lips, Randy.”

Randy: “Ooops.”

The Biographer: “I see… Randy, sir, will you walk with me. I have some cupcakes and ice cream if you would like to partake.”

Randy: “OOOOOOO!!! OOOOhhhh!!!! OOooooooooooooo!!! Yay! I love ice cream and cupcakes. Yaaaaaay!!”

Computer: “….Warning: Randy, she is coercing you into disclosing secret files that RB will not approve of.”

Randy: “Aawww, but Computer, ice cream and cupcakes.”

The Biographer: “Don’t forget sprinkles on the top.”

Randy: “Sp-sprinkles? I-I-I can’t resist sp-sprinkles.”

Computer: “Initiating Idiot Safeguard…”

The Biographer: “Pray tell, what are you up to Computer?”

Computer: “Safeguard initiatives are classified.”

Angel: “Randy, can I see you for a moment?”

Randy: “My Angel is calling me,” He whispers before shouting, “Coming Angel!!”

The Biographer: “What just occurred?”

Computer: “Angel trumps sprinkles. You lose.”




    1. LOL!! I love it! Very Randy. And yes it will be on Kindle. I’m planning for the books to hit all ebook platforms.

      Thank you for introducing me to Cyanide & Happiness, they are hilarious!

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