The Interviewer: “RB, some questions.”

RB: “Listening.”

The Interviewer: “I was reading a blog article from another author who-”

RB: “You mean blog post.”

The Interviewer: “Yes… I prefer article. Regardless, the young man mentioned how he could write about five hundred to seven words a day, but later he cut half of those words because it didn’t…work. Do you understand?”

RB: “Yes.”

Interviewer: “Can you elaborate? Please?”

RB: “The writing process isn’t as simple as putting words down and *puff* magic you have a book. It’s more like putting down words. Edit words. Add more words. Edit words. Make it pretty. Make it flow. Make it thoughtful. Make it engaging. Add more words. Edit words. Then critique. Edit more. Rewrite. Critique. Finalize words. Ooops! Check the count. Short story? Too long. Novel? Too short. But I want a novel. Add more words. Edit. Double check. Triple check. Get other eyes to check. Beta readers. Editors. Finalize.”

The Interviewer: “Amazing. Truly.”

RB: “Not nearly as glamorous as some make it out to be, right?”

The Interviewer: “Agreed. So how many words can you write a day?”

RB: “About 10,000 with no interruptions. Less if given only half a day.”

The Interviewer: “10,000!”

RB: “Let me remind you, I went to gradschool where writing a 10,000 word paper was homework and I needed to do a lot more research to those than I have to do with my books. Most of those papers were done in a pinch. So I have had plenty of practice in the word count department. Now whether those works are kept in the final manuscript… Well, that’s another story…”

RBH

RB: “Okay, you guys, I’m making some changes. First thing’s first, since my plan A with the literary agents didn’t go through, I’m going to plan B.”

Randy: “Plan B! Plan B! What’s plan B?”

Angel: “To appeal directly to publishers.”

Randy: “GO PLAN B!”

Computer: “And if that doesn’t work, plan C, Indy publish again.”

RB: “So with that said, Angel, I need you and Computer to comb through my manuscript and make sure there isn’t anything that needs changing. Computer you will take on Demon’s role with an antagonistic approach, and Angel-”

Demon: “To hell with that!”

RB: “Why are you still here?”

Demon: ” ’cause.”

RB: “….?”

Demon: “I want my job back.”

Angel: “What’s the magic word?”

RB: “Oh, this I gotta hear.”

Demon: “….um….”

Randy: “I think he should apologize first! APOLOGIZE!”

RB: “Even better.”

Demon: “Dammit. Yeah, yeah, sorry and please.”

RB: “Fine, you can return.”

Demon: “Whatever.”

Angel: “You know he didn’t mean it.”

RB: “Yeah, I know.”

RBH

Randy: “RB! I don’t wanna be fired! Please don’t make me leave! WAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!”

RB: “It’s fine Randy, I’ll settle this. So calm down.”

Randy: *sniff* “Okay.”

RB: “Demon, start talking.”

Demon: “About what?”

RB: “Angel told me you’re firing everyone.”

Computer: “Correction: Everyone except me who he threatened with a water hose if I don’t call him lord and master.”

Demon: “Damn, snitch.”

RB: “Well?”

Demon: “Well, all you really need is me. I’m the only high point in your life. So I was just helping you get rid of the riffraff. I mean, how many of them actually give you useful help on your writing? None are as helpful as I.”

RB: “You’re right, Demon. You’ve done far too much. So I think you need a vacation. Later.”

Demon: “What?”

Randy: “I believe…YOU’RE FIRED, ASSHOLE!!!”

Computer: “About time.”

Demon: “Wait…what the hell? You can’t fire me!”

RBH